Fandango
by Super Stellar Lunatic
Summary: The sequel to Widget. Chi becomes in control of the Narutoverse... Written for Sofricus Aurora Zakuro, the one and only Neechama. T for references.


Disclaimer: I wish I owned Naruto! Well... if that happened, Gaara might run away...

2020: This is the sequel to Widget, written for the real-life Neechama, Sofricus Aurora Zakuro!

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_**Fandango**_

"NEECHAMA!"

Chitomo Tsubasa turned to see her little sister, Okami Haipa, running through the streets of Konoha towards her. "What is is, skipsospaz?" she asked when the energized girl had skidded to a halt in front of her.

"OK, like, I had this really wierd dream, yeah? It was like, this pink turtle, who was named Cookie-chan, took over the village and turned us all into slaves that did whatever she wanted us to because of her wierd psychedelic powers-"

"You mean psychic powers."  
"No! Everytime she took over someone's mind, she had to perform a disco-dancing ritual. Psychedelic powers. Anyway! And really wierd things started happening..."

Chi folded her arms over her chest. "Have you been eating candy from Orochimaru again?"

"NO! Uh... maybe... noez?"

_WHACK!_ From nowhere, Chi grabbed a rolled-up newspaper and smacked Hai's head with it. "No! Bad girl! You do not take candy from gay pedophiles who want to destroy your village."

"Owch! Yes, Neechama... istillwishihadmywidgetpowers..." she muttered

"What was that?!"

"NOTHING! The Sand ninja are coming, and Sasuke's back," she said happily. "That's what I was looking for you for. To tell you. Because I needed to find you to tell you, well, that's kinda obvious, huh? Anyway, it can be a little bit phy-liso-phycal or whatever, you know? Finding yourself within yourself. I tried that once and I actually got lost in my own mind. I was in a coma for like three weeks until the doctor decided to use the little electricity shock things! Haha! I found something that day- it was an acorn in the park. It was a pretty acorn-"

Chi's eyebrow twitched. "So what did your disco-dancing turtle have to do with the Sand ninja and Sasuke coming?"

"Absolutely nothing! Well, see you around, I'm off to make my bed...~!" And with that, she skipped away. She got about five feet before she stopped and turned back to Chi. "Oh, you'd probably want to go to Hinata's or a hotel or a hobo box in the park or something tonight!" She said before turning and skipping away. Chi sighed. She thought she had gotten rid of all the chocolate in their apartment... someone must have given her sugar. She hoped that whoever it was, Hai would find them and chatter incessantly until they learned their lesson. Her brain wasn't functioning well, obviously- she might as well have shouted, "I'm having sex tonight!". _Time for me to find some sleeping arrangements... _

For no reason at all, she decided to take a walk through the woods. As she walked in silent solitude, she thought back to the events that had taken place a few months ago. Hai had been given a magical staff by Orochimaru, which allowed her to warp the fabrics of time and space to cause anything she wanted to happen. She turned the sky purple, the buildings into gingerbread, Tenten into a dog, Kabuto into a kangaroo, and Orochimaru's lair into orange cookie. Finally, with her last wish (that apostrophes would never be used wrong again), the staff vanished. That had been really wierd. Hai had gone mad with her newfound power._ Haha. If I had that power, I'd retain my common sense,_ Chi thought.

"Oh, really?"

A large pink turtle had fallen out of the sky and was now talking to her. "My name is Cookie-chan, and I am going to grant that wish!" There was a large puff of pink smoke swirled with lime green, and when it cleared, Cookie-chan was nowhere to be found.

_That was one darn crazy hallucination..._ Chi thought, looking around. _Maybe it wasn't Orochimaru's candy that made Hai stranger than normal, maybe it was that new juice we had last night..._

"USE THE POWER, STUPID!"

Sitting on her left shoulder was none other than a pink turtle- the same pink turtle (except smaller). "Wish for something, and then use the magic word that arises from the bottom of your soles!"

So there was a pink turtle sitting on her shoulder and talking to her, telling her to use a magic word, and all Chi could say was... "Don't you mean soul?"

"No. Soles. The magic word is in direct correlation with the coolness of one's shoes."

"Uh..." Chi's mind went blank. _Well, only one way to humor this hallucination... I wish the sun would turn, um, let's say... indigo?_ Suddenly, a word formed withing her mind, and she felt a strong urge to say it out loud. "FANDANGO!" She yelled.

The sun turned indigo.

"Holy fudgesnappers!" Chi cried. "I made the sun turn indigo!"

----SOMEWHERE OFF IN KONOHA---

Kiba, Shino, and Hinata stared at the wreaked training field. In the middle of the smoldering remains, and very angry Hai stood, fuming.

"Not coming! NOT ^^ING COMING! $^%%^^&*%%*$....!" She let fly a long stream of curse words.

"Um, are you PMSing?" Kiba asked nervously.

"I NOT HAS PMS!" She roared.

Suddenly, the sun turned indigo.

"OMG THE APOK'LIPSE!" Hai cried, running around in circles. "AHHHH! THE SKY IS FALLING! RUN, CHICKEN LITTLE, RUN!"

Hinata stared at the now-indigo sun, which strangely, was not so bright that it blinded you to stare at it. "This brings back horrid memories of that one time..." she muttered. "Where I was forced to fall in love with..." She froze. From nowhere she grabbed an Easy Button."Oh, Button! I've missed you so...!" She danced away with the button.

"I beleive the circumstances of the last disaster are occurring again..." Shino said quietly.

Kiba looked around nervously. "Oh, man, am I going to be afraid of dogs again?"

"OHZ MAH GAWDZ! TREE!" Kin randomly ran up and began to hug a nearby tree.

"That's... not normal..."

"DESTINY!" They turned to see Neji doing the tango with a life-sized Miley Cyrus doll. "Oh, destiny, how I love thee!"

"Well... that is kinda normal... for him, anyway..."

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Hai yelled, confused.

Kiba grimaced. "Let's get back to the village..."

Things were, if possible, even worse in the village. Tsunade had mistaken the indigo sun for a sign of the apocalypse, drank herself into a coma, and now Jiraiya was doing... perverted things to her body in the middle of the street. Ino was kissing a giant letter Q outside of the Amaguriama. Shizune, in Tsunade's 'medical leave', had become the Uberdirector of Konoha and was forcing everyone to participate in a very long, largescale play she had dubbed 'Les MisRENTables'. Along with other insanities.

"ATTENTION KONOHA." Chi's voice echoed around the chaos. "IT IS I, CHI. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT FROM THIS DAY FORTH I WILL BE SUPREME OVERLORDMEISTER OF THE VILLAGE, WHICH ALSO WILL SIMPLY BE KNOWN AS Z, BECAUSE THAT IS AN AWESOME LETTER. THERE WILL BE A FEW CHANGES AROUND HERE...

"FIRSTLY. THE VILLAGE ANTHEM SHELL HENCEFORTH BE THE TOAST SONG BY HAYWOOD BANKS. THE SONG IS TO NEVER BE PLAYED ON A BANJO OR HARMONICA, WHICH SHALL BE PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

"SECONDLY, EVERY SATURDAY WILL BE 'WORSHIP THE OVERLORDMEISTER DAY'. PEOPLE WILL BRING CHOCOLATE, MONEY, AND THE ACTORS IN RENT TO A SHRINE BUILT IN MY HONOR.

"LASTLY, OKAMI HAIPA IS TO NEVER EVER EVER HAVE CAFFEINE OR ANY TYPE OF SUGAR OR SUGAR-LIKE SUBSTANCE.

"IF ANYONE HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT, PLEASE TAKE IT UP WITH MY NEW HEAD OF TEH'NTERNATIONAL SECURITY AND MY CHEIF BODYGUARD, INSPECTOR JAVERT."Randomly from nowhere came a man with long brown hair in a ponytail and crazy-wierd sideburns. "Beware!" He called. "I am Inspector Javert!"

"AHH! He making the rhymey-words," Hai said. "I can do that to... DIE! FOR I AM HAI!" She was immediately knocked out by a quick rap from Javert's nightstick.

"I am the law! The law is not to be mocked!"

"OH, RIGHT, I FORGOT A FEW THINGS." Chi's voice sounded again. "NO ONE SHALL LEAVE THE VILLAGE, ACCORDING TO NEWTON'S FIFTY-NINTH LAW OF MOTION, WHICH I HAVE JUST CREATED. ANY WHO DO LEAVE WILL BE AT THE MERCY OF THE CULLENS, WHO, LIKE JAVERT, ARE UNDER MY PERSONAL CONTROL. WILL SASUKE UCHIHA PLEASE COME TO THE FANDANGODOME?"

Suddenly, a large blue-and-green dome appeared where the Hokage Tower once stood- large neon lettering indicated it as the Fandangodome.

"OH, AND THIS REALLY IS THE LAST THING... FANDANGO!"

All was silent for a minute. Then, without warning, several men began to become attracted to their same gender- like Kakashi and Iruka. Kiba and Shino as well. To prevent from being Scarred For Life By Yaoi, Hai (who had somehow regained conciousness) ran away to NeverNeverLand. _Oh! Whoops! Wrong turn..._ she thought as she saw children flying with fairies. She turned around and went to the Fangirl Cave O' Super Stalkingness, he secret lair. Which was painted in electric blue and vibrant orange, with patterns of bats, skulls, rainbows, Gaara, Prince Zuko, Pai the Alien, Soren (from Fire Emblem Path Of Radiance/Radiant Dawn), and several other hot anime guys from varying serieses.

"If only I had my Widget powers!" Hai said out loud, once she had settled in to a chair surrounded by life-size cardboard cutouts of exactly twenty-one different anime guys. "If only I had my Widget powers, I could combat these strange Fandango powers! But I guess I must face her myself... let's see..." She thought. "My Widget powers allowed me to rewrite the laws of physics... I know! I know how to defeat Neechama and her Fandango powers!"

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_**Hello? Hello? Check, one, two, three...**_

_**This is the Overlordmeister of Z Village. It has come to my attention that my sister, Haipa Okami, has discovered a way to counteract my Fandango powers. This will not do. So, using said Fandango powers, I turned all of her life-size cardboard cutouts into the real person that they represent. Since Hai is now officially out of my way, I WILL NEVER RELENQUISH THE FANDANGO! I realize, though, that this leaves you without a story. So I will finish the story myself.**_

_**Sabaku no Gaara finally realized he was madly in love with Hai, and kidnapped her to his secret Sand Castle Fortress of Spam, where they lived happily ever after doing things that children should not know about. She was so happy to be with Gaara that she forgot entirely about stopping me and my Fandango powers.**_

_**Hinata married the easy button. Shino married Kiba. Kakashi married Iruka. Kin married that tree over there. Neji married Miley Cyrus... in a dream. Eventually he simply married his own hair. Ino married that letter Q. 'Les Miserables' married 'RENT'.**_

_**Konoho- I mean, Z Village- put on an extrafantabular production of Les MisRENTables, and were commissioned (by me) to perform it whenever I commanded- and that thing takes, like, three freaking days to finish!**_

_**And I? I used my Fandango powers to keep Inspector Javert, Sasuke, and Edward Cullen as my Slaves 4 Life. They are hopelessly in love with me. I also used my Fandango powers to turn all the guys that I think deserved it into living breathing marshmallows. Ultimate punishment.**_

_**THE END, SO SAYS I, SUPREME OVERLORMEISTER OF Z VILLAGE.**_

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2020: For those of you wondering why the hell I havn't updated in days, well... it's because of Exam Hell and Driver's Ed. I'll try to update whenever I can, but seriously... I have a whole week of exams next week...

Hope you like it, Neechama!


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